Gender Roles in a Marriage
Foreword: I know that I have only been married for like 5 minutes, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have a valuable voice for this topic. It is something that I have thought about a lot in my life and as someone who sees herself as a strong and independent woman, a topic that is important to discuss.
Logan and I are both Christians. We met on Christian mingle for goodness sakes. Meeting on that website, as silly as this may seem, really opened up certain topics of conversation very quickly. We talked a lot about our faith and what we believed in and it was refreshing to not feel like I was going to offend him because of a certain moral or way I choose to live my life. One of the conversations that we had has stayed with me every day since. About a week after we started talking, I asked him what his opinion was on gender roles in a marriage. I don’t remember what his exact words now, but here is the jest. As Christians the groundwork of our marriage is respect. By respecting your husband and allowing him to take care of you (quit being so prideful and let someone help you) you are laying the groundwork for becoming a team. Why is it so taboo to want to take care of each other? I love cooking Logan dinner, having the kitchen clean when he gets home, and I even like folding his dang socks. You know why this doesn’t make me feel like less of a woman? Let me tell you.
1. I love him so much that my heart feels like it’s going to burst all of the time. We do sweet things for the people we love all of the time. We all have different love languages, meaning that at the end of the day, we all have ways that we show love. If you are willing to do things for your friends, why in the world wouldn’t you be willing to jump over the moon for the person you spend the rest of your life with?
2. I am confident in the woman I have become, thus no one can make me feel less. I know my worth and my value. I know that I have crushed every goal I have ever made for myself, and that I married someone who is supporting me in reaching those goals and dreams. The idea that if you make dinner for your family or like to bake on Saturdays makes you less of a woman, I invite the idea that you are dealing with many more issues than you realize. Most of which don’t have to do with helping out around the house.
3. If you marry the right person, you will never have to worry about being taken advantage of or not being appreciated. When one person is exhausted, the other picks up the slack. For instance, earlier this week, I was having a bad day in the feel good department. My stomach was killing me. I hadn’t really talked much about it, but after dinner the dishes had to be done. I went and sat on the couch for a few minutes after we got finished eating and before I even realized what was going on, Logan had them finished. I literally almost cried. He just wanted to help me. I gave him a big hug and he just looked at me and said “ no one ever said you had to do the dishes every night, I can always help.” This man constantly thanks me for the smallest seemingly meaningless things because he knows that it is important to build each other up and to make each other feel appreciated.
4. We talk about our dreams and our work. Every single day I ask him about work. What project he is on, what he is frustrated about, what he did great at, and what presentation he kicked butt on. All of it. I also ask him about his ideas and his thoughts and inventions. Our brains work so differently, and it is so beautiful. I love that he is constantly inventing things and I love supporting that part of him. He asks me about my business plans and randomly calls me with ideas he has or people he thinks I should work with. The unwavering support he gives me is just hard to even put into words.
The reason I am writing this, is because lately I have been fed up with social media and the ideals that in order to be a feminist or a strong woman you must be hard. When in reality, being vulnerable is much harder. Loving people and sacrificing your time and your emotional energy is what helps you impact this world.
There is a verse in the bible that women (and men) like to get hung up on. It says “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as you do to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22 What we like to forget is that in verse 25 He says,
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Then we skip down to verse 28 “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. “
Finally, verse 33 “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. “
This whole passage is beautiful, and although I am no theologian, I do recognize that it takes both of us to make this marriage work. When you are married to a Godly man, it is much easier to respect him. From the moment Logan came into my life, I have been cherished. My physical and emotional well-being has been coveted and respected on the highest level. I joke sometimes that Logan was just so refreshing when we started talking. Our conversations in the first weeks that we met were just about what we thought and the music we love and the God we worship and the ideas we had about society and politics. Never once did something sexual come out of his mouth. I felt respected, so it is the easiest thing in the world to respect him.
Anyway, that’s enough of a rant for now. I just felt like I needed to get that off of my chest. There is so much judgment in our society today from both men and women alike. I am here to say that nothing makes you less of a woman. If you want to be a stay at home mom, get married when you are 20 or never get married at all (this still applies to you), or be a CEO or run a gluten free bakery, then you do you boo! Surround yourself with a village of people who will raise you up and empower you. Whether that be your husband, wife or your New Girl like apartment of rag tag friends.
With Love and so much happiness,