My First Trimester
SO, as most of you know, Logan and I are unexpectedly expecting our first child! Maybe you didn't know the unexpected part, but now you do. We found out while we were on our Christmas trip home to see our parents. We were only around 4.5 weeks at the time.
Let me backstep a little bit, this is something that almost no one knows about, because I was going to announce it after Christmas. Logan and I were planning on moving to Japan for a year in May for his job. We were excited and were planning all of the cool places we were going to visit, but for some reason felt a little unsettled. We were nervous and sad about leaving our dogs for a year and we knew that we would miss out on a lot of what is going on back home. So, we did the logical thing, and prayed. Prayed a lot actually, for God to lead us in the direction that he wanted us to be in. We had to make some big decisions about our trip when we got home from Christmas and sign a lot of paperwork...so we knew that our decision had to come sooner rather than later. Low and behold, Baby A was found out about 4 days before we had to sign the paperwork.
We looked at it as God's plan for our life and without getting into too much detail...it kind of just doesn't make sense any other way, just like every other part of how we met. Logan and I both come from a big family and love the idea of having our own. We are both excited about being parents, and seeing our children grow up. But one thing I have always promised myself as a "future" mom is that I want to be honest about the experience. I know it is going to be hard. Heck, this first trimester has been hard. Which is what I want to talk about in the post. The good, bad, funny, and horrible of my first trimester. I hope you can relate, or at least laugh at what I have gone through. I am not looking for sympathy, only that maybe if you are pregnant or a mom that we will feel connected and feel a sense of community in some way. In no way do I agree with the competition that motherhood brings out in people, but that is another blog post!
1. Let's start with the most common: morning sickness is bull crap. It is all day. Every. Day. I am still dealing with some nausea, but it has gotten better within the last couple of weeks. From about 6 weeks until 13 weeks I really struggled with eating the foods I normally love. I couldn't look at a veggie without wanting to gag. The smell of most foods made me feel like I was going to pass out. It was all one big joke. I wanted things that I have been allergic too for the past 6 years, so obviously my craving for cheese sticks wasn't going to be satisfied. On top of all of that, I craved food that I would NEVER eat! I went to the grocery store one day and bought 30.00 worth of scooby snacks, fruit roll-ups, and gushers. I lived on those for a good two weeks. On top of all of that, I was just in a constant state of wanting to throw up, but not being able to. #OHJOY
2. And lets talk about the grocery store sweats. I felt like I had a sense of smell like a bear (I googled which animal has the best sense of smell, just an FYI), and everything I smelled made me light headed. Nothing sounded good. The bright lights made me feel like I was in a horror movie. I would without a doubt start sweating and buy a few mismatched things and get the heck out of there! My poor husband got a weird array for dinners for a few weeks.
3. I don't know if it's just me and the fact that I married a man that eats as much as 5 people, but my hunger levels have gotten dramatic. When hunger hits me (which is about every 1-2 hours), I HAVE to eat or I feel like I will pass out. See, dramatic I told you.
4. The Cloud: This is what I am going to refer to mine as. The hormones that rage so much stronger than they do during PMS. I felt like I was crazy and I had no control over it. In all honesty, we weren't planning to be pregnant this soon in our marriage, so I was dealing with the idea that we were going to miss out on a lot of "fun" things we had planned that were now not going to happen. Also, I was a little overwhelmed. I haven't been someone who has been researching all of this stuff for the last 5 years, and I was dealing with a lot of anxiety about miscarriage and being a good mom. Finally, I missed all of my women who I am normally around every week! It made living in a new state that much harder of an adjustment. All things that I feel like are normal, but seem really big when your hormones make you a crazy lady! Thank goodness that phase passed after about a month and I feel like myself again!
5. I think I looked at my stomach about 100 times a day from the day I found out I was pregnant until about 10 weeks along. I just kept thinking I was going to wake up with a huge stomach haha...and it's such a waiting game in the beginning. Since this is my first child, I have no idea when I will show, or how much weight I will gain, or if I'm gaining too much...etc. There are just always things going through my head. I have relaxed now, and I am actually really excited for my stomach to have a cute bump! Im in the awkward in-between stage right now were I have just lost my waist. Anyhoooo....my cute baby daddy encourages me to embrace the belly, so that is what I shall do.
6. The Fog: Maybe the first trimester should really just be called bad weather? What is the fog you may ask? It is the stuff that takes away your ability to think clearly. I normally pride myself in not being forgetful and being someone who is on top of their to-do list. Well let me be honest. In my current state, if it's not written down. It isn't happening. I will forget. If my planner is not open and I dont read it and check things off of it, nothing will get done. This has been quite the adjustment for me, and there have been some annoyances..the sad part is that I don't see it going away any time soon.
7. My first OB appointment from the literal underbelly of hell. I waited quite a while to tell most people I was pregnant (a little after 12 weeks), and in doing that I didn't get much advice on an OB in my area. So I just researched docs that had good reviews...seemed like a good enough plan. Lets just say it wasn't, and I have happily switched to a midwife and I am now very excited!
I have told you all of the semi-hard/horrible parts of my first trimester, but there are have also been absolutely wonderful parts.
1. I have just fallen in love with my husband again and again. He has been so sweet through all of this. He helps me whenever I just can't seem to get it together and is so reassuring when I need that from him the most. I swear to you, I do not think I could be more excited about how cute of a dad he is going to be.
2. My Due date is September 3. Which just happens to be both Bailey and my Papaws birthday. Even though I know that I will more than likely not have the baby on this date, it immediately gave me comfort to know that this baby has them. I have always wanted to name my daughter after Bailey Delane, and if I have one I think this is just one more sign that a little piece of her will always be with me no matter where we are.
2. One of my best friends being due one day a part from me and being able to share this journey with her and having that support and been priceless. One of my sister-in-laws is also within a few days of my due date as well! It has been so fun to experience all of this with such strong women.
3. The support I have gotten from my friends has been unbelievable. It makes me feel so loved when I get books sent in the mail, or maternity clothes sent to me. Or even jus knowing that people are a phone call away. I know this baby will be so loved and have so many aunts and uncles to love it. I love my big family, both blood related and not.
4. It has been so fun for me to talk to my mom and dad about all of this. They have been so excited and this weird circle of life with your children having children thing is really cool. I cannot imagine how they feel, and it has been the coolest thing to know I will give them another human to love.
5. Telling everyone and seeing their reactions was my favorite part. There is so much love in creating a new life, and seeing how excited everyone was made me even more excited and made it all seem more real. I wish I could write about them all in this post, but that would be too long.
6. I totally understand the urge to just touch your stomach ALL of the time. I don't really even have a bump yet, and I just touch my stomach and remind myself what my body is doing. It makes me feel so content in a weird way. Because even though I am dealing with some health problems that most people would never have to, I know that what is happening will change my life forever, and I cannot wait to meet this precious babe, that could only be made by God.
P.S. Oh yeah, and lets not forget, I also got the flu (for the first time in my life) at around week 8 of being pregnant! Cheers to all you moms out there and to all of the other pregnant women who are just laughing through all of the pain! haha
Bump and B